My Failed Attempt At Writing
by DerpyTrollFace
Summary: Bored? Here's a trollfic. Has some ranting too, but don't take to seriously, just to keep everyone happy. Have fun.
1. Chapter 1: Why not try to be a tryhard?

**My ****Failed ****Attempt ****at ****Writing**

_A __Human __in __Equestria __Trollfic__/__Rantfic_

_By__: __EP__-__PayPhone __or __DerpyTrollFace_

**WARNING****: **This fic is probably too random for anybody, no matter how intelligent, to understand. Also my writing sucks.

Soo0o0o0o0o0o0... I wake up in a forest with a whole bunch of scary trees and I'm derping around wondering what on Earth I'm doing. Common sense leads me to the brighter areas of the forest. I find a town. An extremely feminine town. Great.

Let my introduce myself. Actually, introductions are too mainstream, so I'm going to just let you imagine me as you. Get it? Go look in the mirror and that's what I look like. Also I for some crazy coincidence have the same name as you, alright?

Unfortunately, I see randomly colored marshmallow ponies walking around inside the town. I must be the plaything of some horrible Human in Equestria fic, going around somehow being the ideal person, being perfect at everything with the best looks and having all the ponies fall in love with me. Usually Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, or Twilight Sparkle. No love for Rarity, Applejack or Pinkie, eh?

By the way, before I forgot, let's get these out of the way. I am gender neutral. I don't give a herp about my grammar either. This is just my thought train in pixels. I had a weird dream about going to Equestria, so I decided to write a fic about it. Mostly because I can't stand most of the Human in Equestria fics, other than a few exceptions. Like that one with the guy going around testing theories and being all scientific about everything. Yeah, that one. You know what I'm talking about.

I walk into the town. Unfortunately, I'm not that one brony that can perfectly write out the characters' personality, so I honestly don't know what will happen. Seems I like using the word 'unfortunately'. Expect to see it often. Problem?

Unfortunately, I just lost my inspiration, or I'm too stupid to write about interactions or anything like that. And I just realized that I switch from the perspective of the guy going into Equestria to the guy writing the story. If I can call this thing a story, haha. Anyways, back on topic.

Walking into the town, there are many ponies, most of which are those background ponies with seventeen different names. And I just wrote 'background', as 'backround'. Let me go fix that, alright?

And then there's me going back and realizing my perspectives are derped again. So let's just say I'm somehow writing this as I'm walking around Ponyville. Because I'm writing in present tense, right? I can't be asked to go back and change all the words that I forgot what they are called and change the tense.

Where were we? Right walking into town. There are many ponies I recognize from the wiki page listing all the ponies. And there's Lyra sitting on a bench. Like I would. Hell yeah. And there's Pokey Pierce poking stuff. And Octavia playing that cello, bass violin thing. With Vinyl Scratch watching. Yeah, me just throwing out stolen scenarios from other random fics. Just cause.

Nobody seemed to care about my presence. Maybe they're used to seeing strange things in their town. In the more recent episodes, there seem to have been a variety of animals appearing in Ponyville recently. Now I'm starting to sound smart. That's not supposed to happen in a parody fic. Ahghghgghgh. What do?

K. So of couse Pinkie Pie does that one gasp-hover thing that happens in every single fic where somebody arrives in Ponyville. Yeah, there's going to be a party. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's a cliche now. Maybe I should rename this story _'__Another__Cliche__Story__' _or '_That__Human__in__Equestria__Fic__That__Sucks__But__Somehow__is__Popular__'. _Yeah. I'm a genius.

What do you think will happen next? Me going to Twilight's library and staying there on a random cot or matress or something? Maybe having Rainbow Dash crash into me, or me getting hurt and Fluttershy caring for me. Yeah, those scenarios are soo0o0o0o overused.

Now I'm FMLing because of the impression I'm giving off. To whatever derps with tonnes of free time is reading this, I probably seem like some kind of arrogant asshole or something now, with no writing talent whatsoever. You are all probably screaming at your screens, "This kid doesn't respect the english language! GTFO!". And for that, I don't blame you.

Now I just need to pick a topic and stay with it. I doubt you could even call this a story at this point. Too random. I doubt this will even get through whatever wall this thing needs to get through to be shown to the public. InB4 these kilobytes are sent to the moon for being a wasted space on the internet.

Anyways, back to the plot. The plot of this trollfic, not the plot of the show. Dat plot. Haha. Let's make a list, shall we? Spawn in Everfree Forest: check. Walk into town: check. Is hurt find Fluttershy / Wild Pinkie appears / Look a tree with windows let's go inside / Rainbow pony crash into my face scenario: check. Good luck reading that, haha. It hurts my eyes too.

What will happen next? I have no clue. Never really considered what being in Equestria would be like. No matter where I look it looks two dimensional. Actually, scratch that, because I can't imagine living in a two dimensional world. Trippy, eh?

Which pony is my favorite pony? Trixie of course. Maybe I should write about meeting Trixie. That would be nice.

Let's go through that plot line thing that I learned about in Language Arts class, so this could vaguely be considered a story. Alright. Step one: Exposition. Let me remember, something about introducing the characters? And the setting. Done. Initial incident is next. Let's write about that. Something to do with Trixie, because Trixie has to have a place in every Parody, Trollfic and anything overly random. I guess the time this is taking place in during episode six.

So. Walking through town. Seems to be a commotion going on in the middle of the town, beside the town hall. Trixie's show wagon is there, with opening up and doing all the magic mumbo jumbo. I stand in the back.

You all probably know how it goes, with the Ursa and such. So I'm going to skip to the part at the end. But then that would be stupid. So I need to write through that. What a pain.

Back to the back of the crowd. There's her using her magic to humiliate Rainbow, Rarity, and Applejack. Then the show is done. I go and sit down under some random tree close to the wagon. There's Snips and Snails giving Trixie the hay shake.

And this is the part where I realize that I have no idea what the initial incident will be, and what else I could do with the story. What will I do? Easy. Think of something off the top of my head. Isn't that what every author does?

Scratch the part about sitting under a tree close to the wagon. I never went into the town. Let's just say I appeared in the middle of Sweet Apple Acres, leeching off the Apple family hard work by eating some apples. Then I see Trixie running towards my general direction. I probably would have thought something about spawning during episode six. Oh yeah. She ran away at night. Imagine Sweet Apple Acres at night too.

So, with it being night and all, Trixie couldn't see clearly and all. Or maybe I just needed an excuse for her bumping into the tree next to me. Whatever works.

With me being the coolest, nicest, most sexiest person ever, I feel compelled to go ever and help her up. And here's the part where I need to add dialogue. Save me.

"Gah! Trixie doesn't need help! Trixie just wasn't expecting a tree to be place in the craziest of places is all...!" She looks up, "Trixie has never seen a creature of your kind before. Care to add to Trixie's already unlimited source of knowledge?"

Now imagine your voice. "Oh, I'm just the tool of someone who decided to write another Human in Equestria fic. Don't pay me too much mind."

Trixie looked a bit confused, "Trixie can't quite catch what you are trying to get at. Are you speaking in another dialect?"

"I guess you could call it a different dialect. Don't think about it too much."

Ahh screw it. I never had a plot to begin with. This is how writer's block happens: you don't plan out how the story is going to start, and end. Maybe I should try writing something legit. Or maybe I should just stick to reading fanfics. It's not like you gain anything for writing these. I guess this is a trollfic though. Not meant to be taken seriously.

Let's try to remember my language arts classes... paragraph structure. Topic, supporting, and concluding sentences. It took me way too much effort to remember that. Let's stick to reading fanfics. If you have read this far, you are either amazed at how horrible I am, or for some crazy reason you find this entertaining. Oh well.

So much for making a legitimate story. Hah.

Trixie's last name is now Lulamoon. It's canon.


	2. Chapter 2: Welcome to the Cliche Train

**My ****Failed ****Attempt ****at ****Writing**

_A __Human __in __Equestria __Trollfic__/__Rantfic_

_By__: __EP__-__PayPhone __or __DerpyTrollFace_

So, I read the reviews. Apparently my writing is both elegant and annoying. I don't know if that is supposed to be good for a trollfic, oh well. I have to be quite frank though, I honestly think writing this is sort of like a prep for trying to write something legitimate. But then again, that will never happen because I have no inspiration in this dull mind of mine.

Let's try another path now. What should I do from here on out? Follow cliches? Why not.

I honestly have no clue as to how big Ponyville would be like from a human's perspective, and I'm not trying to find out.

Let's see... The most recent episode had something to do with Twilight Sparkle. Let's start off with her.

Some time later I find myself in front of the library. I knock on the door, and Spike is there to answer.

He looks up, "Uhhh... Hi. Can I help you with anything?".

Imagine your own voice again, "Yes. I'm looking for Twilight Sparkle. I'm assuming this is the library?".

Spike turns back, "Twilight! Some... pony is here to see you!".

Twilight walks to the door. All of you probably know what she looks like so I'm going to save about ten seconds of my life by not describing her. "Sorry, it's after closing hours...", She looks up from her book. "I've never seen you before. What are you?".

"I'm a human. Don't mind me too much. I'm just here following cliches.".

She looked a bit confused, "Cliches? Going to a library is cliche?".

"Yes it is. Don't worry about it though." I say, looking as cool as ever.

There was a brief moment of awkward silence. Twilight's scientific side decided to take over for now. "Soo... Mind telling me about yourself? About humans, I mean. I have never read about humans in any of my books."

"Sure, why not," I reply. "We eat meat." Insert trollface here.

"Uhh... I think I hear my studies calling! Have a nice day!", Twilight says a bit suddenly.

Spike turns to me and shrugs.

"That went well.", I say. "Short and without a hassle."

And this is where I realize that I have no talent for writing stories whatsoever. This was way to short. Let's try again with another cliche next time? Maybe I just can't write Twilight Sparkle. I doubt you could call this chapter a trollfic chapter. Maybe the reason it was so short is cause I was actually trying to write a story. Oh well.

This is probably where this fic ends. All this has done for me is show that I have no writing talent. Back to ranting then?


	3. Chapter 3: MFAW 20

**A****Cliche****Title**

_By__: __DerpyTrollFace__/__EP__-__PayPhone_

**Ch****01: ****Twoiloight**

_It __had __been __a __week __since __she __came__. __A __week __since __she __came __into __town __with __her __trailer __and __gotten __it __smashed __by __the __foot __of __an __Ursa __Minor__. __A __week __since __I __put __said __Ursa __to __sleep __with __a __month__'__s __supply __of __milk__. __A __week __since __I __taught __Trixie __about __the __Magic __of __Friendship__._

Twilight Sparkle stepped out of the library onto the cobble surrounding it. She could hear the chatter of ponies doing their daily tasks. There were a few fluffy clouds scattered throughout the sky. The air carried the scent of fresh spring blooms. Twilight sighed. It was a beautiful day. Maybe she should go for a walk?

"Twilight, breakfast is ready!" Spike called from inside.

Twilight's stomach rumbled. Walking could wait. "Coming!" she replied.

Inside the house, Spike had made pancakes for breakfast. "These look delicious, Spike!" Twilight smiled. "These are delicious, you sure are my number one assistant."

"Aw shucks Twi, you always say that." Spike blushed. "Is there anything you want to do today?"

"It's a nice day today," Twilight replied, "Would you like to go for a little walk today?"

I can't write. This 200-word thing here took too much effort, and I doubt I can come up with another involving anypony other than Twilight and Trixie, haha.


End file.
